i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
