Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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