my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
