i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
