I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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