Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just gargled with NyQuil
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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