Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
