Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
