fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
