You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
