dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
