I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
