Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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