I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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