Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
