Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
