let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
