I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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