i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
