Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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