I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
