Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
