you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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