so explain again why im purple
no
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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