I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How naked do you want me to be?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
