Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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