I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
