How's work?
Spinning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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