he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
