Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
