i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
