turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
