Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
