I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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