i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
