i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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