I'm lost and stupid without you.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
