he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
