1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
