i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
