I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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