After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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