I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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