Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He had one of those small greek statue penises
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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