If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize