The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I bet he comes in French.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
