omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
