you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
