This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
