in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
