She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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