Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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