do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
