I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
