The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
