My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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