Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
