At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
