which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
