Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
