my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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