I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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