Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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