Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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