And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
