so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
