You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
