dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
