when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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