thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
